i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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