why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
