I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
