Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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