Old men and throwing up are my life now.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
