i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I fill condoms, not promises.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
