He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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