who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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