Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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