Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
not ubering you a puppy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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