I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
