I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
