Whod you bang
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
