some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
