Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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