be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
