I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
