i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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