Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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