she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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