doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
