So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
