why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
