omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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