I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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