In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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