Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
