I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
