we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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