Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
