"it" just moved
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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