he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
