I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize