i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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