Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
