God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
