May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my being single is dangerous.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
