erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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