it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
