It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
