Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
