I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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