I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the day after is always just damage control
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
