Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
