y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
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Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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