FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
