Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
