I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
