How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
