why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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