Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
