Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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