Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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