his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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