These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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