So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
