don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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