cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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