he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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