Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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