Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
