brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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