Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
