Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
