gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
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We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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