Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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